Sylvanian Polygamists

Church of Bill

Honeybee

Those Sylvanian Families have some pretty conservative dress codes going on. Just saying.

The End of Love

It's over. Of course, it's been over for a little while but clearly I  have the urgency of a snail on sleeping tablets and have only just managed to get around to watching it. That, and I wasn't actually looking forward to it. 


The writers of this show have managed to spectacularly ruin Big Love for me. When I started watching the first season, I couldn't remember the last time I had been so excited to see what happened. I loved the slow burn, oh how I love the slow burn. The women were marvellous, the characters were interesting. The intricacies of a plot surrounding a man with so little appeal he makes George Osborne look like a candidate for Times Magazine person of the year. And Chloe. My eternal girl-crush on Chloe Sevigny was indulged on a regular basis. Who was I to complain? 


But come season three, and then season four, and then season five, it became clear -obviously very slowly, you would think as I had three seasons to realise, it might have dawned a little quicker- that things were going down the shitter. 


Ridiculous plots, too many characters. HBO were obviously not on board any more, I suppose they pulled the plug on the majority of the money. But still, there wouldn't have been so much of a money issue if the writers weren't trying to shoehorn in more twists and turns than Alton frakking Towers. Sensationalist plots, the deplorable Senatorial race, outing the family, Rhonda, JJ and Adaleen and the hormones, and all the other craziness I have clearly wiped from my mind to make space for more important things, like Damon Salvatore. 


I kept hoping it would get better. I stuck by it, as I have done so may times before, like the glutton for punishment I clearly am. Like continuing to watch Smallville long after the departure of Rosenbaum, or not being able to give up on the soapiness of ER in the teen seasons. I hoped that they would pull it together for the final season, give the wives the ending that the deserved. 


And they got it, in a way. Bill is dead. Hoorah. Not many shows have the guts to build a show around a central character who is so innately unlikeable. But Bill Henrickson, well, he's unlikeable in spades. Uncompromising, hypocritical, greedy. How he attracted one woman, let alone three of them I will never understand. I liked that they stayed together even after he was gone, despite the fact that they were falling apart with him. They loved each other, and the show was always about the love story and relationship between the wives themselves. 


But the loose ends! This is always an issue when a show comes to an end. Will they manage to satisfy the viewers by tying up all the hanging threads? I've discussed this before so won't go into it at length (though why stop now?) but will just say that the success was mixed. I liked some things. Bill managing to evade his many threats over the years: The Greens, Alby out to kill him, fundamentalists, only to be shot and killed by his neighbour. Seeing Sarah happy. A resolution to Lois and Frank, not having more of Ana and the preposterous baby storyline. Barb buying the convertible - seeing all of them together was wonderful. 


As for the bad...Oh Barb. I cried, I admit. I don't like to cry, it's messy and pathetic, particularly when it's over a fictitious character. The way that Bill treated her made me blub repeatedly. Unyielding to her desires, deaf to her needs, has there ever been a shitter husband? I suppose it was on the table from the start - she gets cancer, he gives her plural marriage. Super! 


Where is Joey? I would happily have lost more of the political story line to find out more about Wanda and JoDean. I wanted to see more of HomePlus, not Bill's many other pies.


Is Heather magically not a lesbian any more? Is there a special Mormon tablet we can take for gayness now? Or is she just suppressing what she is? And she married Ben. I hate that we didn't get an idea of what went on there. Heather is not into polygamy. So what was the compromise? I'm inclined to believe, sadly, that it was Heather who compromised. The show has done nothing if not teach us that men don't compromise. Ever.


Remember that, girls. 


So, goodbye Big Love. It was good while it lasted. And not good for far too long. 

Once Removed

I am a little behind. I have two episodes of Big Love waiting for me. I can't really build up the enthusiasm to watch them. It's too much like hard work. So I started watching trash instead. I was thrown into a slump by the sub par episode of the last but one Fringe (you know, the one where we find out all of a sudden that Peter is some sort of fly-by-night-shape-shifter-assassin) and started watching The Vampire Diaries. 

I've been good lately. I stopped watching all the crap that I used to watch. All the soapy stuff with no real story line pay off. Private Practice gone. Smallville gone. ANTM gone. I have yet to get rid of Gossip Girl. It's like a UES limpet, hanging on for dear life as I try to appear erudite in my television choices, giving me away as the cheese-whore that I really am. I'm a sucker for the Dan/Blair frenemy thing that they have going on at the moment. So what I thought I was doing, adding some more cheese to the proceedings is anybody's guess. I've worked my way through season 1 in mere days, compelled to watch more and more until I have the whole story. I'm anticipating the sugar crash when I catch up to current time. The anti-climax of no more episodes to binge on. 

Maybe then I can start cultivating my high brow (ha!) persona again. After all, Fringe was back to its glorious self this week. And The Good Wife managed to restrain itself with the dun-dun-duns. Also, I have finished season 1 of Breaking Bad and hope to be up to speed enough to talk about it in the present tense at some point in the near future. Maybe soon I can start on that pesky new year's resolution to watch the tiny amount of a bazillion West Wing episodes. But who am I kidding? I love the low brow. I love all  kinds of brow.

Misery Loves Company

I've been trying to write this assessment of the first episode of the new season for the best part of two days. Usually, if I can't pull the whole thing together, I just mull it over for a day or so and the right way comes to me. It's probably something to do with Jesus.


But I am having trouble. I wanted the show to redeem itself. I loved it, initially. And I thought at first that it could come back, that they could make things better here, this year. But I'm not sure if that's possible. Putting everything else aside - the ridiculous story lines, the bad acting on some parts...okay, one - I think things have gone too far for the Henricksons.


We open with the Henricksons hiding out in the desert, in the best lit tents in the western world. Yes, hiding. Because that is the point of coming clean with the world and claiming to be proud of what you are. I mean, lets not start pretending that you care about what a shitty time the children are having of it....

Bill is walking around in some sort of haze. He seems to spend most of his time labouring under the delusion that no-one thinks that badly of the family, and that they should hold an open house so that everyone can come and throw pineapples at them, or something. All the workers at HomePlus, the business he can't be arsed to think off half the time, think he's either a paedophile or worse, a bad boss. He seems unaware that his neighbours hate him as some reporters hung around for a while and left some cups on the floor, ruining the good name of the neighbourhood forever. He makes an apology to everyone at some point (I may have fallen asleep) for risking everything, but Paxton's acting is so flat that I can't even bring myself to try and believe him. 

Margene looks like she's about to have a nervous breakdown. There's a woman ripe for a cult/pyramid scheme if ever I saw one. 
She is freaking out (and is the loudest crier EVER) as she realises the true cost of coming clean is everything that she loved about her life, and that her chances of financial independence are dwindling now that she seems to unemployable. She drops the F bomb at a school meeting that contains more drama than a Walker family dinner, but no worries - it appears as if the next story for gullible Margie is lining up.

Barb doesn't know what to do with herself. She seems torn between the family that she loves and the life that she hasn't had, all the things that she hasn't experienced, wondering about what sort of life she could have had. Bill of course, seems utterly shocked to discover that she has bought a bottle of wine. Not a surprise though, as the man seems to wander around in a self-involved dream, completely unaware that the people he shares his life with are utterly sad. Because of course, what else do you do when your lives are falling apart and two out of your three wives are ready to cry at any moment? Why, you hold an open house for your constituents! Isn't it obvious? 


Nikki is...well she's Nikki. Conflicted as always, vacillating between smug contempt for the rest of the world and shy insecurity in the face of her new position as a public wife of Bill Henrickson. Chloe is marvellous, as she always is.


The thing is....everyone is just so miserable. I don't think I've ever felt so depressed after watching a show. How can they come back from this? Can Bill not see that his wives are just so completely unhappy? A happy ending at the end of this season would be completely unbelievable. I almost wish we had cut our losses and just not had the show back again. I could then sit and ruminate on how things could have been good again, instead of feeling sympathetic suicide pains for fictional women. And Alby. Who appears to be spending the final season going even more batshit crazy. Hooray for love, eh?

January

is looking good. 


January will be (PMA - possible copyright Linford Christie) the excellent start to the new year I am hoping for. 2010 has been a pretty crappy year for me, televisually and personally, so I'm more than happy to wave goodbye to it. I've been waiting for 2011 to start for a few weeks now and as I count the days off I become more excited about what next month has to offer. A couple of highlights follow:


9th - Episodes begins.

.         

As I have previously mentioned, I am quite looking forward to this. Saying that, the trailer looks less good than it did when it only existed in my imagination. The premise seems sound. The frustration felt when British shows are destroyed re-made for a US audience is certainly a cash innable concept. Understandably, all the marketing focuses on LeBlanc. Yet it's a shame to not even mention the presence of Mangan and Greig, as I would imagine BBC America means that a lot of viewers have heard of them. 
I suspect that it will be either very good, or very awful. My current PMA is attaching all hope to the former. 

16th - The fifth and final season of Big Love begins. You would think, given my (and Chloe Sevigny's) scathing thoughts about season 4 (though I wasn't forced to apologise as no-one gives a shit about what I think) that I would not be bothered about this season. But I really want it to be good. I have such a crush on this show, or the show that it used to be, the promise that it had - the characters, the writing, the actors involved.


But I am worried. One season is not a lot. And there are a fucklot of open ended story lines floating around the Big Love universe. Will we see them all resolved to our satisfaction? Will a lot of them be forgotten in the haste of wrapping things up neatly? I have this horrible nagging worry that they will get to episode 7 and decide to start some random new plot instead of satisfying our curiosity about the things that we actually want to know about. Like Lois and Frank, or the Greens. I want to know what Heather has been up to and I want to finally put the ridiculous Ana story away for good. I want to see more Alby. I want the show to have the proper ending that it deserves and I hope that they get things back on track, as they could have done last season right up until the political campaign. Also, I want to know what on earth they were thinking when they made up this atrocious poster? Bill has some sort of serial killer look on his face and Chloe looks, at best, constipated. 


There are other things to look forward to. Fringe returns on the 21st, we shall be seeing more of Alan Cumming in the upcoming episodes of The Good Wife and I am really hoping, with all my fingers and toes crossed, that Glee is planning on getting off it's cliched arse and producing some good television again. 

Let 2011 begin!

A Year in Review. Almost.

Every year I think about doing a little bloggy type run down of the top 5/10 good/shit things that have happened in tv/film/pantomime over the previous months. Of course, I am a right lazy fucker so never end up doing any such thing. I'd rather be eating leftover Christmas biscuits, frankly. Plus, this desire usually centres around the thoughts I have floating around my head about certain shows...so I'll manage about 2 categories before I run out of ideas or remember that I don't actually watch every show going.

This year, I started thinking about it again. Because I don't learn. So I thought I might give it a go. In a lazy, half arsed kind of way. I mean, we don't need another few pages of top 10's. They are everywhere. Who can be bothered to sit down and pen another run down of 2010? So here goes _drumroll_ the 2010 top 1's!!

Most Disappointing Show
1. The Walking Dead.

Big hopes. Big. Reality: stupid, stupid, stupid. It could have been so good, and the overall premise is so good that I will even allow it another chance when season 2 airs next year. But this does not mean that all is forgiven. This season had huge plot holes that stretched far beyond the acceptable boundaries of suspension of disbelief. The lack of decent female characters was appalling, rivalled only by the whitest Atlanta ever seen on television. The idiocy of the survivor group - driving around in a five vehicle convoy whilst talking about your lack of fuel. The fake gang moron-athon that wasted an entire episode. The foreshadowing was terrible - when you find yourself in a boat with your older sister, when you've never had any real screen time to think of before.....well, here's a hint: you're going to get eaten. And die really. very. slowly. I don't think I've ever wanted a collection of cast members to get killed off so badly. I'm hoping that season 2 begins with Rick, Glenn and Daryl leaving the rest of the group (I would discuss them, but most of them are so dull I cannot remember their names) and finding some more intelligent life forms to hang around with.

And their ends my round up of the year. I would say that disappointment is the overall feeling of the 2010 television year. This years Big Love was the worst ever and has almost ruined the show for me. I placed my hopes in three new September pilots, all of which turned out to be utter dross. Not just bad, in a Private Practice way, just unwatchable. Boardwalk Empire had all the moves, it looked right, it sounded right. It had all the right pieces in all the right places, but it just fell flat. It was boring. Not bad, just rather uninspiring. Maybe it was all the money. Glee did not live up to the promise of season 1. True Blood was lacklustre, despite the joy of Russell Edgington. I suspect that more naked Eric might solve that issue.

Of course, it wasn't all bad - Fringe was truly excellent this year. I wanted to see it every week and there wasn't a part of it that was not enjoyable. There were some great British shows - Whites, Rev, Mongrels and Sherlock showing excellent first series. Peep Show returned for an impressive seventh outing. I discovered old shows that I had never seen. I finally got around to watching all Felicity episodes. I found Breaking Bad.

Well, this list making has been exhausting! No wonder I never bother to do it.

Moron of the Month

I've been pondering for the last few days on the intelligence of tv characters. There isn't a great deal to ponder - unsurprisingly, most starring leads are intelligent (as well as attractive, and completely without flaws). But occasionally, you find a writer who isn't afraid to make their characters a little more....realistic.

The plan was to do a little list, maybe top 5 morons, or something equally complementary. I  had imagined, when initally brewing the concept in my cauldron of a mind, that I would have trouble weeding out 5 from the masses of idiots, but that's not the case. When I ruled comedies out (they are FULL of morons - stupidity is funny!), I was left with hardly any material....so we went with Moron of the Month. Pleasant, right?

And the lucky winner for September is.......

Margene Heffman

Oh Margene, where do we start? You marry the first person that shows you any affection, who happens to be the man you were babysitting for. The man with two wives. Then you marry another man in need of a green card, become infatuated with your "son" and  agree to be a surrogate mother for the woman across the street who you hardly know.

Despite proving to be quite adept at business in season 4 (also knows as season suck), Margene is still a woman of very little brain who seems to make bad life decisions every minute.

Join us in October for another idiot. When I decide whether to save Sookie Stackhouse for some sort of grand finale idiot-of-all-the-idiots showpiece. Is there anyone more stupid?