Dr Pepper, DDS

Is the snake on the way in or on the way out?

This was the best episode of Glee in a long time. Heather Morris is delightful to watch.

I have no appreciation for Britney Spears, but Brittany S. Pierce is another thing altogether....

He's Alliiiiiiiiiivvve!

Eric.

iz not ded.

fyi.





(I think he is bringing Pat Sharpe hair back from the dead, though)

All Change

I am in a bad mood.

So, if I seem more snappy than usual, that is why. I am having trouble finding anything nice to say, which is why I have avoided discussion of the Boardwalk Empire episode. I wouldn't even want to sully Fringe with this monster of a mood.

But, talking of pilots, there are still things to discuss.  A lot, in fact. It's all change this season. I've lost a lot of shows over the last couple of years. As previously discussed, I dropped Brothers & Sisters, Private Practice and Smallville at some point in the last season. I just couldn't take any more. At some point before that, ANTM went, as did Bones, Chuck and One Tree Hill. So it was starting to feel a little roomy in my television. I assumed that I would be picking up Boardwalk Empire, and also in the line up we have.....

 The Whole Truth. With Maura doing her Abby-face. Or maybe that's just her face. I suspect that with the marvellous Good Wife to keep me happy on the legal side of things, this one might not make it.

Plus, I've watched the first 6 minutes and they were rubbish. And that's all we need to make a decision, yes? It seemed to involve a lot of cheesy legal drama chatter, they say things like "I will do everything in my power to get you off/punish that man/resurrect Rainbow Brite".....and I'm not sure I can take that. But hey, I've watched worse!

 <adopts deep voice> The Event

The first 5 minutes of this (I had to watch the first 5 minutes of everything so my husband could confirm that he didn't actually want to watch any of them) play out like the start of a cheesy disaster movie.
I love cheesy disaster movies. Volcano, Deep Impact, I have seen them all. It also contains Zeljko, so I may have to watch this regardless.

Even when Alias went all wobbly at the end there, I still watched it. I'm not sure that I want to see it done all over again though. And I really don't want to look at that beard for weeks at a time.

I shall try, as it is JJ. And he seems to know what he is doing. But if anyone mentions Rambaldi, I'm gone. K?

So, hopefully these new offerings will fill my time. But if it turns out that they are rubbish, well...I'm not sure what I will be doing with myself. Something useful, maybe....

SGMWZOMGWTF?

Welcome back to Seattle! Where doctors who previously were drunkards and thought nothing of performing surgery whilst wasted can be chief again without anyone being concerned. Where unrequited love is retconned into a friendship gone awry. Where women turn into weak, speech spouting, crying ninnies at the drop of a hat.

Really. What happened to Bailey? She was hardcore. Not any more.

But the biggest wtf moment is reserved for Cristina and Owen. Who in a moment of love stupidity, decide to get married. Excellent. Because I want to watch that fall apart for the next 20 weeks. And yet, I will.

Give The Child a Hug!

Kiernan Shipka is truly marvellous as Sally Draper. The way that she adopts the speech and mannerisms of Betty is amazing. I can't remember the last time I actually enjoyed watching a child actor. 

Poor Sally. She needs her own show. One based on her struggle with her psychological issues arising from her terrible upbringing. Where she was shown no affection or guidance. Or as we all know it, the 60's.

If I were her, I'd probably be masturbating in public as well.

Rich Man, Poor Man, Beggar Man, Bass

Chuck Bass, just like everything in the show, is back to normal.

Gossip Girl starts this week with Serena. She has a dilemma. And it's not whether she should wear the blue or the pink circus pants. (Blue, der!) Does she choose Nate or Dan? The loveable scamp with little brain (currently schlepping around with a young Heather Locklear), or the step-brother with a baby? Tough choice. What other teen show has one of the main protagonists umming and ahhing between her boyfriend and her step-BROTHER? Come on people, you don't find this shit anywhere else! Well, unless you happen to be reading Virginia Andrews right now. In which case, you should be ashamed.

On the other sides of this faux-triangle, Nate is busy scheming to win Serena from Dan, who in turn is not that bothered about Serena. He is too busy doing what every young man, recently shocked by a surprise baby with a woman with whom you always wore a condom should be doing. That is, jumping into bed with someone else. A new, shiny, snarky!Vanessa.

Chuck is dead. Or he's not. And when he's not, he's charming Fleur Delacour out of her wizarding robes in the continuously ridonkulous Paris subplot. When your attempt at pretending to be dead and starting a new life with a new name can be uncovered by Serena Van de Woodsen in about a week, you know you need to rethink. Not exactly the devious mastermind that we all know and love, I hope Chuck doesn't plan on being this ineffective all season.

So basically, nothing happens. This show is rapidly stagnanting. Events happen, disasters, tragedies, exposes...but nothing ever results in any character development. Chuck and Blair split up again, never to be reunited. Only for them to immediately start working towards Chuck and Blair being together again. As for the incest love train, don't get me started.

And someone take Milo's hat off. Nate is wearing shorts. The child is going to overheat.

Spite is The New Black

I am considering the possibility that the creators of Project Runway got so exasperated with the lack of genuine drama and vile bitchery happening amongst the competitors in the show that they let the judges do it instead. With Mondo stepping off the Michael hate train and Gretchen opting to close her miserable mouth rather than spew the bile she usually does, I would imagine the producers are pretty strapped for "entertaining" moments.

So this week, Heidi gallantly stepped up and did her bit for spite and making designers almost-cry. I accept that  there was a lot of poor work this week. I thought that there would be a Top 1 rather than 3, as Mondo was the only one to make anything appealing. But they were vicious! This is Andy, trying not to cry:

His design was atrocious, but to laugh at him? In front of everyone? January Jones could hardly keep a straight face. Someone needs to lock that woman on the set of Mad Men and keep her there. Forever. I'd rather suffer Betty every single week than have to see January in anything involving her personality ever again.

<sigh>

True Blood Mondays are Over

It took me far too long to realise that it was Monday this morning. And Monday usually means True Blood from the night before, though not today. And then I realised that the finale had happened a week ago and I had written nothing on the subject, which is explained by my ambivalence about the whole thing.

It wasn't bad, but it certainly wasn't good. For those of us hoping to end the season with a naked Eric on the roadside anyway. If you were stupid enough (like me) to keep on hoping until the last 3 minutes that this is how they were going to end things, then more fool you! I suspected I would be disappointed, but the mention of Jesus and the witches got my hopes up. This had better happen next year or I shall be having words with Mr Ball. Maybe. Probably not - I'm not that organised.

Things I would like to see less of next season: Bill in general, Sam and his amazing retconning storyline, Tara crying, anything involving a Mickens, Arlene and Terry (though Terry on his own is fine), gore, the fae realm - which resembles the backdrop from a Sylvanian Families advert and Jason continuing to be wasted on crap like in-bred panthers. Russell Edgington and his beloved Talbot were truly marvellous but not even they can counteract all the fail this year.

I do like True Blood. It's cheesy and tacky in the best way. I love what Alan Ball has done with the books, using them as reference rather than fact, expanding some great minor characters (LaFayette in particular) and getting rid of others. Alcide was well done, surprisingly, and I love Jessica. But with these extra characters, with taking the focus away from Sookie, things get claggy quite easily.

I'd like to see the show spread a little less thin. And more naked Eric, of course. Always.

And We're Back in The Game

So the first of the rubbish-programs-that-I-should-not-be-watching-any-more-but-can't-seem-to-help-it has started. Gossip Girl! Actually, I'm quite embarrassed even writing that, but seeing as a) no-one reading this blog knows me, and b) I suspect no-one is reading this blog, it makes no difference...I'll hold my head high. Maybe. Plus, I gave up on Private Practice, Brothers & Sisters AND Smallville last year so I suppose there is still a small amount of room in the schedule for tat.

And just like that we return to the machinations of the over-privileged residents of the UES. But not before we visit Blair and Serena in Paris. Where Serena wears a pair of trousers with enough pink material to start a Mr Blobby army and the streets are cleaner and emptier than ever before. Really, I have been to Paris. It's not that clean. Dan is having another crisis and Vanessa still exists. It's like we were never away. This image encapsulates everything that is wrong with this show - Dan, Vanessa, characters like Georgina Sparks and a bloody baby! Yes! Of course! That's what we need to breathe life into the show! A baby with dubious paternity, that always works!

Now tell me why I only dropped three shows last year?

The Countdown Begins

With only one week to go until the premiere of HBO's new showpiece, I am quite excited. Great actors, impressive crew (we can categorise Scorsese as crew, can't we?). I'll be interested to see what Buscemi does with the role and I love some of the smaller names - Michael Pitt, Gretchen Moll.

How on earth does HBO keep doing it? Of course, if it's rubbish, I'll be back here quick smart, deleting all of this fawning in the hope of remaining correct at all times and not at all fanboyish.

Dull, Dull, Dull

I think it is quite telling when the "personality" of the season is a man whose main character traits seem to be speaking English badly and making clothes that old lady sluts would wear. Santino he is not. Although it was amusing when he pretending to string himself up from the door when he was eliminated.

This season is dull. Really. Ivy as the villain? (And they have had to work HARD to make that happen.) All she did was bitch about another designer and be a total control freak. It's not exactly on a par with smuggling in pattern books or making the mother of another designer cry.

Initially, I thought that they were doing well this year. Better guest judges (actual designers!), less overall drama, Tim Gunn getting mouthy. But it's just gone downhill. There seem to be very few good designers, just a load of unimaginitive sewers arguing over who is better at construction, and some MOR competitors making forgetful clothes. And a rather timely appearance from Kristin Bell, who knowledge of designing rivals mine. Clue: none. Even Gretchen has stopped being so spiteful, which is disappointing.

When you are halfway through the season and you don't care who wins, you know things are bad.

Moron of the Month

I've been pondering for the last few days on the intelligence of tv characters. There isn't a great deal to ponder - unsurprisingly, most starring leads are intelligent (as well as attractive, and completely without flaws). But occasionally, you find a writer who isn't afraid to make their characters a little more....realistic.

The plan was to do a little list, maybe top 5 morons, or something equally complementary. I  had imagined, when initally brewing the concept in my cauldron of a mind, that I would have trouble weeding out 5 from the masses of idiots, but that's not the case. When I ruled comedies out (they are FULL of morons - stupidity is funny!), I was left with hardly any material....so we went with Moron of the Month. Pleasant, right?

And the lucky winner for September is.......

Margene Heffman

Oh Margene, where do we start? You marry the first person that shows you any affection, who happens to be the man you were babysitting for. The man with two wives. Then you marry another man in need of a green card, become infatuated with your "son" and  agree to be a surrogate mother for the woman across the street who you hardly know.

Despite proving to be quite adept at business in season 4 (also knows as season suck), Margene is still a woman of very little brain who seems to make bad life decisions every minute.

Join us in October for another idiot. When I decide whether to save Sookie Stackhouse for some sort of grand finale idiot-of-all-the-idiots showpiece. Is there anyone more stupid?

The Bitch is (Not) Back

 Now. I should point out that I am a massive Veronica Mars fan. I sometimes (when doing something thrilling, like washing up or vacuuming) ponder where a fourth season would have gone, where V would be now. I think about what Weevil is up to and why we didn't see the character development of Dick that I was hoping for........<nostalgic sigh>

So the news that Kristen Bell is leading a Twitter trend to get the VM film on the go should please me. But it doesn't. I don't think there's the market for a Veronica film. They couldn't make people watch it when it was free! I'm torn between feeling impressed that the star of a show feels so strongly about the project that she will go to these lengths....and suspicious that Bell trots this stuff out every time she has a (terrible - someone get that woman a new agent) new film to promote. Hell, I'm not sure if I would pay to see a Veronica film. A fourth season, yes, but what is a film going to offer? A happy ever after?

I think it's about time we put Veronica in the box labelled "Brilliant Shows That the Networks Loved to Hate" and be done with it. Dead Like Me needs some company, after all.......

Is It Just Me?

Or has the finale of True Blood come around really quickly? How have 11 episodes happened? Or more accurately, how have 11 episode where nothing of any real note has happened.....happened?

Too many story lines, not enough time. How is that possible for a show an hour long? Why introduce Alcide if you aren't going to bother spending any time with him and his naked chest? I shudder when I think about the precious minutes wasted on the Mickens' debacle, particularly when you consider how little we have seen of Pam this year. Crystal Norris, how little I care about you and the inbred panthers you call family. Hotshot? I'd rather be in Shreveport with Mr Northman. 

There have been high points. James Frain, for a start. He has been deliciously doolally, or he was, before being dead. I think it is acceptable to assume that Russell Edgington won't be returning next year, if all goes to plan this Sunday. Add that to the loss of (the always excellent) Zeljko Ivanek as The Magister and I'm wondering what's left. This show has so many good male characters. We'll save my overlong rant about the pathetic, weak, annoying, badly drawn and acted female part of the show for another day. When there's alcohol. At least Tara is less pathetic this year.

Try harder next year, Alan Ball.

You Have Been Warned

Following the most recent episode of Mad Men, I plan to start a one-woman campaign. Jon Hamm shall be winning the Emmy for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series in 2011. I hope that's clear.Of course, it will be an entirely fruitless effort - I have no contacts, don't live in the US, and am pretty rubbish at organising...well, anything involving people. I'm more Charlie Brooker than Tracy Flick.

Now, if anything, the episode made me feel despondent. At some point, Mad Men will be over. And it may have gone off the boil before it finished. I mean, I'm not sure it can get any better. Don. Peggy. Trudy....oh how I love Trudy. How Vincent Kartheiser can do so much with one small look. This is how I felt when I was 3 seasons deep in The Wire. Awestruck that someone could write something so good, you think nothing will ever live up to it (but then something comes along)....and sad that it can't last forever. Do you hear me, One Tree Hill?

So yes, back to Hammchops. He and Elisabeth Moss were outstanding. Lets get on the campaign trail. 

Bubbles!

To mark the.....er....20 day (that's a celebration, yes?) countdown to season 3 of Fringe, we are treated to a sneaky peeky.

Andre will be appearing in the first episode. One could surmise that he will die a horrid and graphic death. But I wouldn't want to assume anything about Fringe. They might surprise me. <snort>

I am quite excited. Now, lets see what else is new in understatements.......